


Stay

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Lost things, Secrets, Short One Shot, season five, season four
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 12:47:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10640160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I was the begging kind. I was the foolish kind. I was the worst kind. And my deepest darkest secret was knowing. I knew about the monsters at the end of the book. I knew about the angels too





	

  
The clock on the wall

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 _I was the begging kind._  
 _I was the foolish kind._  
 _I was the worst kind._  


 

I coughed against the burn of the amber liquid as it slid down my throat. Four shots in and I was just beginning to feel my cheeks flush from the alcohol. Two more and I'd finally feel like taking the weight of the world off of my shoulders.

 

“Hey!” I leaned across the bar as I called out.

 

The bartender whipped around to face me. He was having trouble hiding the fact that he was annoyed with me. “Yeah?” He answered back.

 

“Another?” I held up my newly emptied shot glass.

 

I watched as he eyed me up and down, obviously calculating my body weight against the amount of alcohol I had already consumed. Finally he offered me a small nod before stooping down to grab the bottle out yet again to bring to me.

 

“Should I just leave it here with you?” He joked as he poured me another shot.

 

I flicked my eyes up to his face. He wasn't even bothering to look at me. “Sure.”

 

That caught his attention. “What?”

 

I nodded as I pushed out a hundred dollar bill across the bar. “Yep.” I popped the p at the end of my word and shrugged.

 

His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed. He was fighting against his own definition of wrong and right. This guy had a moral compass that I could tell normally never led him astray.

 

“Fine.” He avoided eye contact as he turned slowly, leaving the bottle behind and taking the money with him.

 

My fingers wrapped around the neck of the bottle as I stood, taking my prize and my shot glass with me. I headed to the furthest table from the door, which happened to be placed in a comfy little corner that let me look out into the open room. I liked being able to see who was coming. I slid back into the seat, my eyes scanning the sea of faces in front of me. None of them belonged to him though. At least not yet.

 

Three more shots and I was lost to the ways of alcohol. “Hunter's little helper.” I smiled, it was funny how just a bit of whiskey could make my troubles float away. I could suddenly feel weightless with just a taste of the stuff. And maybe that was all it ever was, my worries, my burdens that kept my feet down on solid ground.

 

But no amount of alcohol could change the way my body responded to how he made me feel. So when he finally walked in, my breath hitched in my chest and my stomach dropped.

 

His hair was a mess and he wore a freshly painted bruise on his jawline, with a few spattered scratches and cuts across his face. And despite it all he was still beautiful. Damn him for that. I pulled a long sip straight from the bottle, not bothering to pour myself a shot. As I watched him make his way to the bar, with brother right at his side. Those two were inseparable.  
  
And I knew that they would be in this town. I knew it, and that was precisely why I had come. I'd counted on them walking into this place. In fact I had no doubt in my mind that by the end of the night I would come face to face with my demons... with my Dean Winchester. So why exactly was I acting like seeing him here was something to be surprised about?

 

Get it together. I grumbled to myself as I slammed the bottle down and straightened. My eyes narrowed in on the taller brother. He was always so much more aware of his surroundings than Dean, that I knew he would see me first.  
  
See I'm not saying that Dean didn't pay attention, no he did. I'm just saying that there was a place and a time for that. And after business was done and it was time to play... Dean stopped paying attention to certain things, and started paying attention to pretty little blondes with tiny waists and wide hips. See he sought out the bubbly personalities with brilliant smiles and fake laughs and he avoided the shadows, he avoided seeing the girls that hid their sorrows in the back of a darkened room. Because he had enough sorrow on his own, and who could blame him for wanting to find a bit of light to drown out his own darkness? Certainly not me.  
  
Sam Winchester on the other hand. He seemed to notice those people in the shadows the most. And I think it is because he has spent so much of his own life finding his brother there, hidden in the darkest places. So when he locked his eyes on me, I was ready.

 

Sam's eyebrows lifted in surprise when he first spotted me. I watched as his mouth opened and closed as he struggled to find words. He tapped a hand against his brother's shoulder. But Dean was oblivious while trying to catch the attention of the bartender.

 

I licked my lips and sat forward. I was trying so desperately to have one of those silent conversations with Sam that he so often had with Dean. Please! Please.. just don't tell Dean... and come to me.

 

Sam frowned before tearing his eyes from my face to Dean. He whispered something in Dean's ear and I cussed under my breath. I should have known that Sam wouldn't understand me. Dean straightened, glancing back once before shrugging his shoulders and turning back to the bar. I blinked in surprise as Sam took a step away from Dean and slowly started walking toward me.  


My heart hammered against my chest as Sam slid into the chair across from me. His soft hazel eyes traveled from the empty shot glass discarded to the side, to the nearly empty whiskey bottle before finally resting on me. He was studying me, gauging just how drunk I was.

 

I swayed in my seat, a small smile on my numb lips. “Sam.” His name sounded wrong.

 

“Lacey?”

 

I leaned forward, closing my eyes as I did. If I just stayed like this, stuck in this moment then I could pretend that I wasn't seconds away from ripping my own heart out.

 

“Are you okay?” Sam was leaning forward, whispering in my ear. I could feel his hot breath on my neck.

 

I shifted, opening my eyes back up to stare at his face, which at the moment was full of concern. He was good. And if I was honest, so was Dean. I just wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't good enough for either of them. And that was just how it had to be.  
  
You see over the last few years the boys and I had been spending more and more time together. And what started out as good fun between me and Dean... well it turned into something more. And just two weeks ago after spending an entire weekend with them having said fun, I realized something. I had realized that Dean and I would never work. Oh how I wished that we would, wished that we could... but that's not how the world works.

 

“I just wanted to say hi before I ran off with your brother. Thought it was the polite thing to do.” I forced out a joke, while I wiggled my eyebrows because that was how I dealt with pain... I laughed at it instead.

 

Sam groaned as he leaned back into his chair, rolling his eyes as he did. “Seriously?” He didn't find the joke funny apparently.

 

I laughed as I pulled the cork from the bottle for what felt like the hundredth time that night. Sam pursed his lips, obvious disapproval on his face as I swallowed down yet another shot of whiskey. “I”m sorry. I just wanted to surprise your brother. You don't mind do you?”

 

Sam shifted, studying me a moment before he finally nodded his head and waved his hand at me to go. “Yeah. He'll be happy to see you. Go.”

 

I smiled, despite the pounding of my heart. This was not how it was supposed to go. Sam deserved honesty. Sam deserved everything. I leaned down to hug him after I had stood from my seat. It was the only time that I didn't feel so short next him. When he was seated and I was standing. “Bye Sam.”

 

“I'll see you later.” He nodded before picking up my abandoned bottle and pouring himself his own shot. “I'll be here.”

 

“Of course.” I licked my lips and turned around to face the end.

 

He was shameless. He was a flirt. He didn't seem to care that he was a ruined mess, full of cuts and bruises. He didn't care that he was a guy standing in a bar that looked like the guy that had lost a fight in said bar. And not to my surprise, the two girls to his left were eating him up. They didn't mind how battered he looked. And I didn't blame them. I mean, he was something to behold.

 

“Dean?”

 

He twisted around, heavy lidded with want. “Yeah Darlin'-” He snapped his mouth shut, opened it... closed it again. I smiled as recognition replaced any trace of desire that I had just seen on his face seconds before.

 

“Hi.”

 

He frowned, before turning back to the girls he had been talking to. He whispered something I couldn't quite catch, but it must not have been good because the girls left in a huff with dirty looks to boot.

 

“Lace. I didn't think I'd see you.” He looked like a kid caught with his hand in the candy jar.

 

“No you didn't.” I shrugged as I plopped myself down onto the bar stool beside him. Our shoulders brushed against each other.

 

“I'm really glad to.. though.” Dean added with worried eyes. Did he know?

 

I smiled, my eyes lifting up to his green ones. “You're an idiot and... I love you.”

 

“Oh.” Dean inhaled and I watched the panic on his face grow.

 

“Stop.” I held my hand up and shook my head. “I love you and that's dumb. It's dumb because of everything we are. You see that's a weakness I'm not used to.” I paused to see if he was following. From the cold look behind his eyes, he was. “I don't want to love you. I don't want to be the girl that waits around for you, praying you'll come back... wanting you to stay. Because you're not the boy that's gonna give that to me.”

 

“Lace.” Dean tried to interrupt me.  
  
I shook my head. “No. It's okay that you're not that guy. You're not bad Dean. You're not. You chase monsters and girls, and that's who you are. It's just... it's getting to be too much and it hurts Dean.” My shoulders slumped.

 

“Hey.” His fingers lightly touched the tip of my chin as he tried to get me to look at him. “Lace I don't want you to feel this way, those girls they don't mean anything to me.” He nodded his head toward the direction of the girls that had just left. “I don't want you to think that I don't care. Because sweetheart, I do.”

 

A sob lodged itself in my throat at that small confession and I almost lost my resolve to end this, but not before I managed to pull myself together. I swallowed down the hurt and drew in one long steady breath.

 

“I won't be there anymore Dean.” I closed my eyes allowing myself to calm the storm behind them before finally opening them back up to look at him. “This is good bye.”

 

Dean shook his head, his eyes flicking back and forth across my face. “But-”

 

I stood abruptly, my eyes flicking from Dean to the door of my escape. “Listen. My number is gone, I changed it, I've got new safe houses, and new names. And I know if you really want to, you'll find me still... but Dean. Please for me, don't want to.” I bit my lip as I took one step away. I could feel the warmth of him leaving me.

 

“But. I don't know if I can do that Lacey.”

 

My heart cracked at the sound of his voice breaking. To anyone else they might not have heard it. Might not have noticed the subtle change. But I could. I could hear it just below the surface.  
  
And this was why I loved him. Because despite the darkness that he clung to, despite the wounds and the hardened armor he wore to battle.. Dean had soft spots and vulnerability that held you hostage once you saw it. His heart was too big, but he was too damn stubborn to admit it... and so I needed him to stay away. Loving him was too hard if I couldn't have all of him.

 

“I'm sorry.” I blurted out the words and before he could say anything more I ran.

 

 

  
  
  
I think I'm dying

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 _My deepest darkest secret was knowing._  
_I knew about the monsters at the end of the book_  
 _I knew about the angels too_  
  
Sometimes you can lie to yourself. You can convince yourself in a million different ways that you in fact did the right thing, but it in the end the truth will always come.

 

I smiled at the little girl twirling in the front yard. She had blond hair, freckles and green eyes that swam in your soul. She was beautiful.

 

See. I'd left in such a hurry that fateful night all those years ago. I'd said my goodbye and I'd burned every bridge. I was dead set on unlearning how to love that man.  
  
And then two weeks after I'd gone... I'd realized one very important thing. Dean had stayed away, but so had my god damn period.

 

I'd felt sick for weeks, but I had assumed it had been that damn whiskey. Whiskey sticks to your ribs and lives in your head long after you've consumed it. But this was no hangover. No.  
  
She was beautiful and she was mine and she was his.  
  
And that was my deepest darkest secret that I was determined to keep.

 

“Mama?”

 

I leaned into her tiny chubby hands as they reached out to grasp either side of my face. “Yes?”

 

“Can we do the airplane, up high?”

 

My eyebrows lifted in surprise. She was outfitted in her princess dress today. “You're done playing Cinderella?”

 

She shrugged. “Rella's good, but I like the airplane!” She pointed an arm straight up into the air above her head.

 

I nodded as I stood and dusted myself off. “I agree baby. Now come on.” I held my hands out and she positioned herself in front of me. “Up up.” I sang as I spun her around, my arms holding her up high above me. Her face was so happy, it was all that I could see, until I caught a shadow shift from the corner of my eye.

 

I paused, pulling my arms back down and tucking her into my body protectively, before twisting around.

 

His green eyes bounced from my face to hers and my heart dropped. Any color that had been on my cheeks I'm sure vanished as soon as I saw him.

 

“Mama?” June lifted her small face up to mine, her eyes swimming with questions.

 

“Baby go inside.” I smiled down at her as I set her on the ground and tapped her lightly on the butt to get her moving. She only hesitated a moment before listening. I was thankful for that. I watched her race into the house, and I waited until the screen door slammed shut before turning my attention back to him. “Hi Dean.”  
  
He nodded at me, but his eyes were still trained on the screen door where June had just gone in. “Lace?” His eyebrows furrowed together as he finally pulled his eyes from the door and trained them on me.

 

I felt my cheeks flush under his gaze. “What are you doing here Dean?”

 

He blinked at me a moment and I could see the gears turning in his head, he was doing math. He was calculating the last time we'd been together.

 

“Dean?” I interrupted his thinking. I needed him to not think.

 

“Lacey. Is that..”  
  
“Is that what Dean?”

 

He frowned as he rubbed a hand against the back of his neck. “Um.”

 

I shook my head. “How'd you find me Dean?”

 

“Actually. It was Cas.”

 

I lifted a brow. “Who is Cas?”

 

Dean shook his head slowly, his eyes laser focused in on me. It made me want to squirm. “And um.”

 

“Mama?” June suddenly reappeared in the doorway.

 

“Yeah?” I bit my lip. Kid had timing. I turned to look at her, and then back to Dean. “Listen. I don't know if this is a good time Dean. I'm sorry.” I shook my head and turned. I didn't think it would ever be a good time.

 

“Wait.”

 

My footing faltered at the sound of his voice. It was breaking again. Just under the surface. I turned to take him in. Actually he was breaking, and not just under the surface. “Hey?” I rushed closer, my hands reaching out to grab him. “Are you okay?”

 

Dean shook his head and swallowed hard. “It... it's Sam.”

 

My heart hitched as tears formed in his eyes. “Oh god.”

 

I shifted in my seat. I had just listened to the story of how Sam and Dean had saved the world. They had saved it all, and while they had done that I had hidden away with my secrets. And Sam had made the biggest sacrifice of all.

 

Dean was ruined, but he had made a promise. He'd promised he'd find me. And when he couldn't... a god damn angel showed him the way.

  
And he'd come to me with the idea of telling me everything, of begging for me to take him in, he didn't come to me knowing that there would be a little girl that looked just like him dancing in the front yard. It's funny how life works.

 

I stared out across the room, to the place where June was. She was busy building blocks, stacking them up until they crumbled down.

 

“Dean?”

 

He shifted his gaze to me. He'd been watching June too. “Yeah?”

 

I wanted to tell him that it would be okay, that he would survive this. I wanted to smother away his hurt, I wanted to fix everything. But I could never do that, so instead I licked my lips and said “stay?”

 

He nodded just once before wiping at more tears that had formed in his eyes and I scooted closer. He let me wrap him in a hug, and I let him cry out all of his pain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys this was just a little one shot, about my original character Lacey and where Dean might have gone after Sam sacrificed himself at the end of season 5 had she been real.. 
> 
> Sorry for Typo's or Mistakes, I'm sure I'll catch more to fix tomorrow. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the little story..  
> P.s It was a little bit inspired by "Stay" by Sugarland.


End file.
